How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
