i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
