I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
