party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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