I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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