i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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