he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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