I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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