that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
