Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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