This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
