What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
