I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
