I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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