i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
