Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
