it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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