In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
