The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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