Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
