Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
