Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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