I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
