I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
