$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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