I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
