i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
