This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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