That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
