I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
