Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
