Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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