Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
