Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
