just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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