Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
