If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
