I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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