I haven't been this sober since birth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
