When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
