On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
