Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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