There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
