But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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