Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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