I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
