Yo dont text me then not text me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
