I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
