the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
