Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
