Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize