If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
