I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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